i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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