he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
