She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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