saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
