I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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