I need help removing her.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's always time for handjobs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
