New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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