So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
