Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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