I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
