I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
