i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
