Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize