Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize