Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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