she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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