Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
