my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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