Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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