I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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