things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
