HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
