Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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