It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
