nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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