dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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