the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
