I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
