so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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