she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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