I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
