You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
