If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
