I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
