We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
