You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
