I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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