Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
