i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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