Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
