FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
How's work?
Spinning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
