That's when you crack a 10am beer
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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