yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
