I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
