i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
