i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize