In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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