i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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