In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize
