True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
