from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
