i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
