That's intense
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
