My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
