Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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