if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
