Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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