I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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