i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
