she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
