i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
