Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
