so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
worst night to have a conscience
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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