YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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