Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
