yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
