Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
whose parrot is this?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
