It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
