Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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