Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
