Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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