i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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