p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize