I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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