You smell like a Billy Joel song
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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