I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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