Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
