At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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