I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
