I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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