can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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