I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
