i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
