I'm going to jail i love you
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
