You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
