I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i love accidental penises.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
