Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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