Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
