Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
