My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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