We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
