Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
