i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
