You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
