Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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