If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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