YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's shark week go big or go home
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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