She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
