I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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