it wasn't lemon gatorade
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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