I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We're too hungover to prance.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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