my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
