found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
This house was built for laser tag.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
