So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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