sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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