Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
