On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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