So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
