The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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