this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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