They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize