One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
