Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
