Swine flu. Run for my life!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
