i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
