Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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