I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Your mouth is God's brothel.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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